A Journey of Recovery

I’d been putting off writing this, mostly because it’s not an incredible and awe-inspiring story. However, it should be an interesting read for anyone who is struggling with an injury or any reason you can’t run right now. It was my good friend Bex, (Hey Bex!) that said to me, write it, it’ll help others and will help you to write it all down.

So here we go…

If you’ve read my blog on Ultra X England, you’ll be in the know, that I pushed my body hard and came away from it in multiple pieces. Trying to put those pieces back together has been a journey in itself.

I’ll be honest, at the start of this, I thought, “cool, let’s just have a week or two of rest, and then we will be good to go!” wrong.  I had soft tissue damage, this doesn’t heal quickly!

The problem is, recovery is not linear – you can’t always just put a timeline on it like that, and it will respond to your plans. Our bodies will react differently to different treatments, and what may take one person one week, may take another a few more. It’s not because anyone person is better than the other, it’s just we are unique. 

I did everything to the letter, followed every exercise religiously, and regular check-ups with my osteo to keep things on track. Things just took longer than expected.

Once this started to feel ok, I was eager to get back to exercise. Here’s where I made a mistake.

Let’s first remember there is a difference between a niggle and an injury, and niggles become injuries very quickly, if not addressed. A niggle you can run on, but you are aware of it, and should get it checked. An injury you cannot run on it. If during a run you suddenly can’t run on it anymore, you’re injured, and you are way past niggle!

When I returned to running, I was confused by the different physically feelings in my body. Expecting that I was just ‘pick up where I left off’ is not a reality. I was weaker, slower and heavier! I needed to come back gently. When your osteo asks: “how’s everything feeling?” Mention the niggles… I had chalked that up to just a weakness returning and the body would adapt..

Wrong again James,  This was my body telling me something which I ignored. On December 19th, I had run 1km before my hip was screaming in pain and I physically couldn’t run. Cue injury number 2, and welcome to the stage, Hip Bursitis!

If I had listened to that niggle and taken more time out before returning to training, would this outcome have been different? Possibly not, but one thing I do know, I didn’t truly listen to my body enough. 

Again, I ploughed all my energy into following the treatment plan from my osteo. Every day, I wanted it to just feel better, to miraculously wake-up and go, “sweet, it’s all fixed, let’s go running!” but it doesn’t work like this.

2 weeks ago, everything started to seem fine, thinking I was starting to see the back of it all, had re-introduced running, only short easy distances, with lessons learned of remembering to listen to the body. We cautiously went out. I had a couple of runs, absolutely no pain, and felt great.

Then a few days later, out we go again, and nope. The hip had flared up again.

I got angry and I cried. It’s like the body taunts you, gives you a taste of something you really want then cruelly takes it away again! Yet the body was just saying, chill out James, we are healing, let’s not be too quick to go out again, we are not ready for the load. 

Feelings

This has been the most challenging part of the recovery for me, the rollercoaster of emotions and feelings around it. 

I’ve been sad, upset, depressed, angry and frustrated.

I love my running, and I love being out of the flat! Granted, being injured during a pandemic and associated lockdowns, generally isn’t the greatest of timings, but here we are. Lockdown is tough, I currently live on my own and outdoor exercise was my escape, my release, my Ritalin! 

Really, when it comes down to it, when we lose running to an injury, what we go through is grief, and there are 5 stages:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.

Let’s put some words to those, and see if it makes sense:

Denial	“I’m not injured, It’s fine, I’ll keep going! Just need to run it off”
Anger	“Damm it! Why Me, I did everything right, it’s ruining my goals!”
Bargaining	“Just needs a few days rest, It’s not too bad now, think it’s better, let’s try running on it again!”
Depression	“Nope, shit, it’s still there, WTF do I do now, just going to eat ice cream”
Acceptance	“Ok, Hi professional person, what’s the treatment plan, how do we fix this, what do I have to do”

If you’re struggling with an injury right now, here are my top tips:

• Patience – Let the body do what it needs to do!
• Feed It – The body needs all the help it can get, eat well!
• Talk – Chat to your friends, your community, all runners go through the same.
• Explore – See what other things your body will allow you to do, or discover other ways to occupy your mind.

I hope you recover soon, and if you not injured, I hope you stay that way!